Aye I'm Fine
by Autumnnone
Summary: Takes place pretty soon after the Season 4 finale. Killian is making sure everyone is okay before himself, just as Emma would do. He throws himself into finding her. People are concerned.


**This has been floating around my mind since the finale and since I am procrastinating from revision for A levels, I thought I'd give writing it out as fic a go. I was just thinking that after Milah died, from what we saw Killian pretty went straight to the revenge ad that was his focus. I figured he'd do something pretty similar for Emma. It's has a few of the characters reactions to Emma's sacrifice, but the main focus is Killian This is my first ever fic, so please be nice and review :)**

 _Disclaimer - I do not own Once Upon a Time and it's characters._

Henry saw him sitting in the booth on his own, of all the people who shouldn't be alone right now was him. Emma was his support and now that's gone. He sat down in front of him started to speak

"Hook you…"

"Lad I promise we will find her, I won't stop until we do" Killian firmly said.

"I know … I mean you did spend something like 300 years plotting to kill the Dark One to avenge your love" Henry said.

"Aye I did" Killian sighed.

"I know exactly where to start with operation … swan, we both heard what the apprentice said, we need to find out everything we can about Merlin, if he can destroy the dark one, he can help mum."

"Operation swan?"

"Well what else can we call it?"

"I don't know lad"

"Operation Swan it is, like I was saying we need to research Merlin, I know that this realm has many different versions of the stories around Merlin but we know from experience that they aren't always right"

Killian sat lost in his own thoughts, _the lad was right, we needed to find this Merlin. Research was the way to do that. Maybe Belle can help us out. She was quite helpful with the fairies in the hat fiasco. We just need find Emma. Oh Emma... I miss you so much already. We will find you._

"Aye lad you are right, we can start at the library, Belle can help us, as much as I despise it even the Crocodile can provide information that could help us if he recovers, but firstly we must rest up, we've had long day, I shall see you at the library"

"Ho...Killian?"

"Yes lad?"

"Are you okay?"

"Aye I'm fine"

Killian and Henry entered the loft to find a David on his own, sitting and staring at the dagger. When he looked up they could see he had been crying.

"Hey guys" David spoke wiping his eyes, hoping they wouldn't notice.

"Hey Grandpa, we're heading to bed, so we can rest up in prep for operation swan! I asked Killian to stay, hope that's alright?"

"Yeah of course he's welcome, Snow will back soon, she just went to get Neal from Red" he said distantly, he felt like he was gonna break down again. _How are they holding it together?_

"Thanks mate… listen mate we will find her, I know we will" Killian said softly. David looked away.

"Gramps you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine"

Henry and Killian were not convinced. Feeling that Dave didn't want to talk in front of Henry, Killian lightly pushed Henry towards the stairs to send him to bed, Henry did go, just very reluctantly.

"Mate?"

"It's just …" David struggled to get the words out "I just … just can't believe … we lost her … again!" and he broke down again, tears falling, his entire body was shaking. Killian placed his hand on a shoulder "I mean what kind of Father am I?! I've lost my daughter yet again! I can't protect her!"

"Listen mate, you know that no matter what, we wouldn't had been able stop Em...Emma from sacrificing herself, it's what she does with being the Saviour and all, what we can do is to do everything that is possible to find her, and help her. Now I am pretty sure I'm repeating myself but if there's anything I've learnt from heroes is that there's always hope and that's what we have to hold on to. You can still protect your daughter mate by saving her" even Killian was struggling to get these words out, but he had to be strong for everyone just like Emma was.

Little did they know is that a certain bandit was listening in from the other side of the door. She couldn't believe that these comforting words were coming from a man who she was determined to hate once upon a time. That's when Neal started to fuss.

"Hey guys" Snow came through the door with Neal, taking in the scene in front of her, Captain Hook comforting Prince Charming was a peculiar sight. "I'm just gonna get Neal ready for bed, Hook i'll be making breakfast pretty early, I assume you're an early riser?" he nodded "good, so am I, unlike Charming over there" she picked Neal and headed to bathroom in a rush.

"Is she okay?" Killian spoke with concern.

"Yeah she just keeps herself busy in times like this, helps her deal with it" David paused for second "Hook … wait no Killian, thank you"

"You're welcome Dave"

David said just realising he hadn't even checked "How are you doing with all this?"

"I'm good, just need to find her" Killian said scratching behind his ear "I'm heading up to rest, pretty tired after you know all the dying, getting stabbed"

David chuckled "We said we're sorry!"

As he was walking up the stairs he slipped in "I know and I said I would hold it over your head for a very long time"

When Killian was gone, Snow came out the Bathroom, and put Neal to bed.

"So … he seems to be doing well given that the love of his life had become the dark one, the thing he spent 300 years trying to kill" Snow spoke with sadness in her voice.

When David looked at her he could see she was tearing up. He pulled her into his arms.

"Oh Snow we will find her, that's what we do in this family, we always find each other" if Killian can find hope so can he.

Just as Snow said, she was up bright and early, keeping herself busy with preparing breakfast for everyone. Killian came down just as the bacon was going on. She looked up, it was obvious he hadn't slept well, probably had been crying as well.

"Good morning milady"

"Morning Killian, just put the bacon on, so the food loving members of the family will up soon, but just help yourself to toast"

"Thank you" He smiled, seemed unsure of what to do with himself

"You okay?"

 _A lot of people have been asking me this_ "Haven't had someone care for me in this way for a long time"

"Like family?"

"Aye"

"Well as far as I'm concerned you are a member of this family now so get used to it" She said stubbornly. Softening her voice "Killian I heard what you said to David last night, about there always being hope? Just wanted to thank you, I know you were only speaking to David at the time, but it was just the words I needed to hear"

Killian stood there a little shocked at the kind words directed at him, again something wasn't used to, scratching the back of his ear nervously.

"Anytime milady"

She smiled and got back to breakfast. Eventually Henry and David got up, just as Snow had predicted in time for the bacon. As soon as they were done, Henry got changed, and Killian and him went off to start Operation Swan.

Snow turned to David. "He isn't okay"

"I know" he said eating his breakfast.

"What can we do?"

"I don't know"

"We have to do something, he is the man our daughter is in love with, we can't just sit around and do nothing" She said sternly.

"I don't know! Emma is the one who usually helps him with this stuff!" David said getting upset at the mere thought of Emma. Snow grabbed his hand in hope of calming him down. "He just has those damn walls that Emma had, and he's been alone for 300 years, it's not gonna be easy to get him to open up, I think he's kinda okay as long as he still has his goal of finding Emma"

"I know, I know, I just need to be helping in some way or I will lose it"

"We'll keep an eye on him, and ask Belle to as well, as I'm guessing he'll be at the library quite a lot"

"So I'm gonna go check on my Mum, and you'll go and talk to Belle about joining operation swan?"

"Yep, one thing though, ask Regina to look in her vault, in case of anything that could be useful, for all we know something new could have brought over in the second curse" said Killian.

Henry ran off to Regina's, leaving Killian his own thoughts again. _Oh swan where are you? god I hope you aren't any pain but as the dark one it's inevitable. Why did you wait till then to say you love me?! why couldn't have I said it then, you must know how much I love you. I just don't know what to do with myself. I just have to do what you would do and put everyone else first, then worry about me. but dammit I will find you. everyone misses you and it hasn't even been a day yet. I love you Swan._

He found the pawn shop, where he expected Belle to still be.

Opening the door, he saw Belle jump a little.

"Oh Killian you startled me" trying to figure out why he would be here.

"Wouldn't be the first time love"

Belle lightly laughed at that comment. Still why he was here deluded her.

"So Killian, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm enquiring of the crocodile's health"

Now that was something Belle hadn't expected. He'd never be concerned over Rumple.

"Wait … What?"

"Has there been any sign of recovery? I ask because I know it would put your mind at ease and He was the Dark one, I know for a fact he looked for a way to get rid of the dark one, though keeping his powers. I need all the information I can, if we're gonna find and save Emma"

Of course it would be about Emma, what else could it be.

"Well unfortunately no, I haven't notice any change in him, but here's the key to the library " getting them out of her bag and handing them to him "I'm sure you can do research there, I will have a look round the shop for anything and will let you know of any change in Rumple"

"Thank you Milady, your help is greatly appreciated, you are welcome to join in on the research in the library anytime"

"Oh hey Killian?"

"Yes?"

"Lots of people have probably asked already but how are you doing?"

"You're right, many have asked how I am " he started to leave

"Thats not an answ….!" and he was gone.

Regina was heading to the library to find Henry and Hook, they were there to research this Merlin guy that the apprentice had told them about about, Henry had caught her up when he spoke to about searching her vault, she had just gone through the entirety of her vault and found nothing. Feeling helpless, she wrote everything she had, maybe something could be useful later. She just had to do something. Emma had saved her. She had to help save her too. Feeling nervous about seeing Hook for the first time since it happened, she hesitated before going in. Would he blame her? For her to have her happy ending, he lost his, yet far as she could tell this was not a happy ending for anyone. The saviour gone. It's crazy to think that when she first came to Storybrooke all she wanted to do is get rid of her and now, the saviour had sacrificed herself for her and she was working to save her. Fighting her anxiety she went in. Hook was surrounded in books, he looked so tense. Henry came in with more books.

"Hey Mum" Killian looked up, god he looked tired.

"Hello Henry" she replied.

Wanting to get straight to it, Killian asked "Did you find anything?"

She looked defeated "No, I'm sorry"

"No worries, it was a long shot anyway" going back to the book in front of him.

"So what are we doing here?" Regina said looking for something to do.

"We're going through every book, with hint of Merlin. So things like Sorcerer, Camelot, King Arthur …" Henry explained.

"Why King Arthur and Camelot?"

"Cause in many stories in this realm, Merlin is in their stories, there's a whole TV show about it, literally called Merlin" Henry said heading in to the back.

"Fair enough" getting the list out her pocket and putting it on a desk "Here this is a list of everything in my vault, figured if you find anything useful there's a chance this stuff could help in some way"

Killian had a look at the list "Thank you Regina really, anything is helpful at the moment"

"So I already asked Henry but how are you doing?"

Speaking but not even looking at her "I'm fine, we just need to find her"

"Listen Hook …" he knew what she was going to say.

"No! Please don't apologise or try and comfort me, I am fine" Killian sharply said.

Regina felt that guilt again, she was sure he really didn't want to see her, she was here when Emma wasn't. "I just…"

Looking at her, speaking calmer, she could see the pain in his eyes "Regina, I don't blame you. This isn't your fault. She choose to do what she did, and now we have to deal with what we have. So now we do everything in our power to save her"

"Okay" It seemed better to drop it, then carry on pushing him, he clearly did not want to speak about it. "I'll drop, but when you do want to talk to someone, you know where I am, I think that besides Emma, I may be the one to understand you, being a Villain in the past. I get it"

"Thank you Regina" he said going back to his books.

"I'm going to get guys lunch, what do you want?"

This got Henry's attention. "Burger and Fries!"

"What the lad said"

"I'll be back in a bit"

"Bye Mum!"

Regina left pretty quickly, not feeling much better. Hook clearly was just throwing himself into finding he instead of dealing with it. She had listened to his words, but she can't shake this guilty feeling.

As Robin entered the diner, he saw Regina at the counter ordering something. She had been quiet last night, whether she was tired or was in shock from what had happened. He didn't know

"Regina!" she turned round to see who it was, it her very own true love. She looked happy for a moment, then that joy left her as she remembered what had happened again. He leant in to kiss her cheek.

"Hi" Something was bothering her.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing" Robin just looked at her "Fine, it's just I went to talk to Hook after searching the vault and he told me he doesn't blame me."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"He should blame me, everyone should, she did it to save me. Everyone's beloved saviour is gone because she sacrificed herself for the Evil Queen!"

"Regina look, the reason no one blames you, is because it isn't your fault. Yes she did sacrifice herself, I may not know her well, but I can tell she would have done it for anyone, because that's what she does. Also you are not the Evil Queen anymore. So yes the Saviour did sacrifice herself for someone but it wasn't the Evil Queen"

She sighed in defeat "I suppose, it's just now whenever I look at Hook, I can see the pain he's feeling, he's trying to hide it. He's just throwing himself into to finding her"

"Wouldn't you do exactly the same? If it was me or Henry or Roland or anyone you cared about?"

"Yeah"

"We really don't know Ho … Killian very well, it was Emma who knew him. So this could be his way of dealing with it all. Least we know he won't ever stop, he's got what it is? 300 years of proof that he'll doing anything for love. It's not his first time hunting the Dark one down"

Regina had to laugh at that. It was typical. Hook had spent 300 years trying to killing the Dark one for revenge of his first love, and now his love, probably true love is the Dark one.

"Okay, we just have to do anything we can to help" she said smiling.

Robin nodded. He was pleased he could make her feel at least a little. Red brought over her food, and she was off. Kissing him goodbye. He just hoped that one day, he'll be able to thank Emma for saving his love.

"It's alright Lad, think I'm gonna stay on the Jolly Roger tonight, need some familiarity"

"Okay Killian, you know where we and you still have your phone?" Henry said hoping he could still use it, he was too tired to go through it all again.

"Yep, press the Henry, Dave, Snow, Belle or Regina if I need anything?"

"You got it! I will see you tomorrow!" Henry was off.

Killian looked around, there really hadn't been much progress so far, then again it had only been one day. Feeling a wave of exhaustion hit him, he decided to go rest. Wanting to get out quickly, he left his flask behind, thinking he should go back for it, but if does he'll ending drinking … a lot. He needs to be on good form for Operation Swan.

As he gets on the Jolly Roger, his mind wandered back to a time when it felt like home and it was all he needed, well that and his revenge. Now stepping on to it, it's a massive reminder of Emma. Neverland where everything started and giving it up to find her and now she's gone, his home gone again. All he has left is her last words to him 'I love you'. _Gods I hope she knows that I love her too, with all my heart, wherever the hell she is._ Thats when he breaks. He may not ever find her and get a chance to tell her.

Belle was at the Charming's loft, she had found Killian's flask and she was guessing that he really needed at the moment. a she knocked Henry answered.

"Hey Belle! Everything okay? Is Rumpelstiltskin awake?"

"What? no he isn't yet" she looked down sadly "Is Killian here? I have his flask"

"No he wanted to spend the night on the Jolly"

"Oh okay, well I should go give this him there, I'll see you tomorrow Henry for operation Swan"

"Night Belle!"

It was a bit odd that Killian wasn't at the Charmings, she would have thought they would have forced him stay with them, in order to make sure he was okay. Ah well, he was on the Jolly Roger, guessing being on it would make him feeling closer to home. As she arrived first thing she noticed was the deep scratches on the mast, clearly someone had gotten angry. She headed down the the Captain's room, and that's when she heard it.

"Killian?"

No answer.

"Killian?"

She walked into the room and found a mess. Everything that was on the desk was pushed on to the floor, the chair was sideways. There was figure in the dark, he was crying. He looked up. She could see his blood shocked eyes, tears running down his face. His hair was a wreck, clearly from having run his hands through it multiple times. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept in days. He looked like a broken man.

"I just …" he started through his sobs " i didn't …" he couldn't get the sentence out "I never …got a chance to say it back"

"Say what?" Belle knew what it was, what could it possibly be apart from …

"I love her"

"I know you do, the whole town knew, she definitely knew" she said softly.

"I never get a chance to say it" he clearly wasn't listening. Wait never get a chance? who else has? Belle sighed Milah.

"You will get a chance, we will find her" he carried on shaking and sobbing. She went over to hug him.

"I just don't know if I'm strong enough for any of this"


End file.
